I havent written in this thing for some time. A question was brought up to me last night, about regret. I get so confused by regret, I do not even know how to begin to explain, but I can try. If you regret something, chances are you learn from it, so it makes you either stronger, or better or whatever, so you actually get something out of it. Therefore do you actually regret it? Throughout the last few years of my life I want to have a good fun life, but I also wish to be a decent person. However I want to be in a relationship, but I need to FIND a decent person to be in a relationship with. Each search results in failure, even when things seem to be going great, but in all actuality the other member isnt happy, like my last relationship with Marina. When you tell someone how beautiful you think they are, and you truly mean it from the  bottom of your heart, and they feel they have to affirm this with other people, it makes you feel like you opinion is completely worthless. It makes you feel that YOU are completely worthless. I feel like I am supposed to be at LEAST a year ahead of my time. I look at all these people I graduated with, and I honestly...I think so LITTLE of them. The maturity level of the people I grew up with THROUGH high school...ok. When I was a freshman, I was hanging with the juniors and seniors. Sophomore I was hanging with the seniors. Junior year I was fucked because I had to try to fit in with people in my own grade that I'd never really hung out with. Senior year I didnt have to bother with it because I was in oregon making a movie. Now I see these people I graduated with every once in awhile, drifting through this town like ghosts. They dont have anything, no fruit for life. They want nothing to do with anyone. I was misplaced DAMNIT. However I must count myself lucky to be surrounded with the friends that I DO have. Jacob,
Josh, Bowman, David and the rest of the gang. I still remain the baby of the group, but at heart, I feel that I have grown as old as they have.

 want to be a good woman
And I want, for you to be a good man.
This is why I will be leaving
And this is why, I can’t see you no more.
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love
This love forever

I don’t want be a bad women
And I can’t stand to see you be a bad man
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love
This love forever
And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I can’t see you no more
This is why I am lying when I say
That I don’t love you no more

Cause I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man