Ever make a mistake, and at first it seemed like a fantastical idea, but then you realize the truth:"I am a fucking IDIOT". I have realized this. Now I attempt to rectify this by telling the truth, the honest truth, and by saying how stupid I am...over...and over...and over........and over again. While true love prevails... certain things bother me, but I am in no position whatsoever to make demands, or even just to ask. So I am not to worry about it, and while the trust remains intact...my past experience makes me so FUCKING uneasy and it is so hard to explain this. All I can do is hope that love WILL indeed rise above like it seems to be. NOBODY IS PREGNANT BY THE WAY.

"Love's Forever"

A series of events have unfolded within the last hour that have come out of left field and taken me by complete surprise. My intial response to these was, well this must be a payback, only to realize that there was no payback needed for I havent done ANYTHING. So my second thought was maybe my Karma is getting back at me for all the bad shit I have done. But it was in my third and final thought which came to me only about 12 seconds ago that I realized the obviosness of the truth: a choice I made has caused this. Whether it was a choice I made a couple of weeks ago, or a choice I made last summer, it was this that has caused this reaction. A domino effect of epic emotional proportions in which up until now a minute ago I could not see it was me. The truth to it is that THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. How could I be so stupid? So LAME as to not see this? I was a puddle of self destructing emotional ooze "what did i do" "where did i go wrong" "why why why". DUH. It is the ripple from the stone. Jealousy, yes. Hate? Anger? Confusion? Not anymore. An epiphany in the middle of posting. WHAT THE FUCK MATE.

THE OH SHIT PICTURE OF THE WEEK

Starting now, every monday I will choose an OH SHIT picture of the week. Then, every month, I will choose one of the four pictures which will compete with the OH SHIT! pictures of the other months, so we will then have the OH SHIT picture of the year. This weeks OH SHIT! picture is as follows..

HEY GUYS! WATCH ME TAKE ON THIS WAVE....OH SHIT!!!

HERE IS NICOLAS CAGES' FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH SNOW

It is so fuckin weird, I have alot of Thomas Newman downloaded, and the Green Mile theme came on and I don't know how else to explain this but that theme is exactly how I feel right now. I would download it if I were you.

THIS IS AWESOME

Although I was strangely unmoved by director Ang Lee's noble attempt to make the masses forget The Hulk ever happened, it doesn't mean I walked away from Brokeback Mountain completely empty-handed. Here are a few valuable things I learned from America's favorite gay cowboy opus.

1. Copious amounts of beans and whiskey will make you gay. Like, barebacking gay.

2. Dishes, dishes, dishes. There is an inordinate amount of dishes to be cleaned in the '60s and '70s, but, thankfully, Michelle Williams really knows her way around a kitchen sink -- as does this director.

3. Anne Hathaway really knows her way around a wig.

4. It is very difficult to express all the important, heartfelt things you have to say to your new gay cowboy lover with a bunch of marbles and peanut butter in your mouth, but you'll still get nominated for an Oscar.

5. Every guy in Texas is a closeted gay EXCEPT the rodeo clown.

6. People didn't age in the '70s...they just grew sideburns.

7. Any time you have sex with a woman instead of your gay cowboy lover, she'll have a baby--in the next scene.

8. Children do nothing but scream, cry and break things in stores. (And prompt you to go fishing with your gay cowboy lover).

9. There are no gay hustlers in Texas, but they are all over the place in Mexico.

10. It is a way better idea to wait out the sexual revolution and risk a painful death at the hands of homophobic hicks in Wyoming or Texas instead of moving with your gay cowboy lover to -- gee, I dunno -- San Francisco or Fire Island.

11. If a movie is over 130 minutes, it means that it is really, really important. Like, Oscar important.

12. Gay sex is excruciatingly boring -- even with Donnie Darko. Who knew?

OSCAR PREDICTIONS

Best Picture

Will Be: Brokeback Mountain

Should be: Munich

Best Director

Will Be: Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain

Should be: Steven Spielberg for Munich

Best Original Screenplay

Will be: Crash

Should be: Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Adapted Screenplay

Will be: Brokeback Mountain

Should be: Munich

Best Actor

Will be: Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote

Should be: David Strathairn for Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Actress

Will and Should be: Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line

Best Supporting Actress

Will and Should be: Rachel Wiesz for The Constant Gardner

Best Supporting Actor

Will be: Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man or George Clooney for Syriana

Should be: Matt Dillon for Crash

Cinematography

Will be: Good Night and Good Luck

Should be: Batman Begins

Special Effects

Will be: King Kong

Should be: War of the Worlds

Best Original Score

Will and Should be: Brokeback Mountain

Best Original Song

In the Deep from Crash

Heres a big shoutout to MARINA!!!!! ANDELAY ANDELAY! MARINA MARINA!

Damnedest thing happened. I quit blockbuster, and then my life gets INSANELY busy. And slowly I am turning into a cowboy. Let me explain. Since I quit blockbuster, I have been spending alot of time with training Nick, and alot of time working with the cows out at the 40(my dads land). So because of all the time I spend out there, slowly my way of clothing has switched over to cowboy boots and jeans and coats. and due to the fact that i am working directly with cows....and i AM a boy, i can assure you of that, i am becoming a cowboy. first story.

The Calf

Well we lost a calf a few days ago, it was a twin who the mother neglected, we found it near the barb wire fence. Another cow was born Tuesday before last, it has a bad eye, and I figure its lame. The mom wont claim it, well she did but she never hangs around it. Well about four, five days ago we found it just laying by itself. It wont get up. So we started nursing it with powdered milk, and we built a small shelter around it to protect it from the cold. Insulating it with hay and a big blanket, we returned for the next four days treating it with antibiotics, and more milk. Yesterday is when I figure it wasnt gonna last long. It wouldnt take the milk and would bleat weakly. Sure enough we arrived this morning, and she was gone. BUT THATS ALL IN THE LIFE OF A COWBOY! You gotta accept, your losses! Actually when we first found it laying there I told keith to put a bullet in its brain. lol. it exceeded my expectations on how long it was gonna live. Im gonna start a video diary on what i do out there and get it up on xanga. so im lookin forward to that.

MOVIE STUFF

These are the top ten highest grossing films of 2005

1. Star Wars Episode 3:Revenge of the Sith $848,462,555
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire $821,822,905
3. War of the Worlds $591,377,056
4. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe $508,234,379
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory $471,856,431
6. King Kong $452,870,795
7. Mr. and Mrs. Smith $427,936,103
8. Madagascar $406,800,000
9. Hitch $367,600,000
10. Batman Begins $352,000,000

This is NICKY! He love KEANE and he is my best friend.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN REVIEW

This really was a pretty good movie. Heath and Jake do a fine job of portraying their relationship, and an intolerant society trying(and in some ways suceeding) to keep them apart. Unfortunately, there was no real buildup to their romance. There were scenes with like, jake cooking at the fire, but having heath washing "himself" in the background. This was a perfect oppurtunity for jake to show a hint of interest in heath but instead he acts like nothing happens. They just sleep in a tent and the next thing you know heath is spitting on his hand and they are in love the next day. With the exception of the significance of the shirt switch(in jakes room, jakes shirt is over heaths, at the end, heath put HIS shirt over jakes), this was just another love story. If it had been a guy and girl cheating on their spouses, it would not be a big deal, but Hollywood wants to be open minded, so they will sacrifice more important films DESERVING the best film awards, such as Munich, which is Spielbergs most daring film. Good Night, and Good Luck is a direct parallel, Mcarthy had a nation under fear by its own government, and now Bush has us in fear of invasion of privacy with his so called "Patriot Act". The film brings attention to the public about what is really going on that people NEED to know about. Anyways. Point is, its a good movie, but it doesnt deserve all these awards its winning.